Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Your penis caused this!
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
