At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
