Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
