So drunk its hurt
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
