Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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