When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
