1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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