you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
