he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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