My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
