You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
