so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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