I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
