omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
