Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
