just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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