As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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