oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
