Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
