Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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