Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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