Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
