you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
