I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
