1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I still have a little drunk in my system
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize