Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
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