Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
