Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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