I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
