If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Your cock deserves a montage
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Randomize
