woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
