hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Randomize
