Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
