By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize