So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
