Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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