i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
They took my balls.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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