8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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