yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
