Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
