it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
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