i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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