She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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