That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize