if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
