Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
