his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
is that a dick in a sweater?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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