She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
