I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
