it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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