woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Randomize
