you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
