i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Randomize
