so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
