dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
