I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
