hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
