You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
