What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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