You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
