I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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