Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
