I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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