get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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