At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
