The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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