dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Green mimosas i think yes
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Randomize
