Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
