My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
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