Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
